Monday, March 03, 2008

Lament

Remember when I spoke on my mental burdens I carried over the years ?

The anger which I felt towards the vipers - the relatives I blamed for my grandmother's sufferings?

Recently, when I had the time for my solitary runs in the evenings - I thought over it a lot.

Why did I feel so angry?

In my heart, I knew partly the anger was to mask my own guilt. That I did not do enough for her when she was alive and when she left, I felt so guilty that I resorted to blaming others for her "misery".

Where was I when the rest of them were with her at the hospital?

Why blame my auntie when she was the one who shouldered the responsibility of caring for my grandmother? What did I do that was better?

The more I thought of it - my irrational anger suddenly seems very foolish.

To drop my burdens, I need to not just forgive..I need to come to terms that I was a poor grandson who did not treasure my grandmother when she was alive. And now that she is gone, I do not have any rights to start blaming everyone.

"Let he who have not sinned - let he cast the first stone".

Before we point a finger, remember to ask if we are blameless.

If we are, start by forgiving ourselves and admitting our mistakes.

The journey in life has too many wondrous things to marvel - then to waste time mulling over past.

Have you seen a butterfly slowly emerging from a cacoon?
Have you seen a young seedling emerging in the early morning?
Have you seen the mighty Nigara Falls thundering down?

Treasure what we have and move on. Like me, I have started my own healing..

Sam
-healing-

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