The events recently has taken its toll on Wabe and I feel sad and yet proud of her for such unselfish care and concern for her grandmother.
Perhaps my words earlier was too strong and it did not get published - well too bad for that!
From my past experiences, the true faces of loved ones will come to reveal themselves as the crisis persists .. spiteful words will be hurled... accusing fingers pointed...
It takes great maturity and strength to walk this path correctly and to focus on the act of providing the best for the loved one who lie sick.
Action speaks louder than words - it is easier to rant than to offer a simple act of help.
Tis not the time to lament on the indignities of life unfairness - it is unfair anyway.
We do not shake the dust of our sandals like the apostles of old and leave the village who do not accept them - cursing "Even Sodom will be better than you in the lasy days.." More importantly, we should listen with ears to the real message behind a rebuke - we do not cuss family members with vulgarities ( vipers who caused my grandmother's misery not included:)).
Remember and hope and pray - Wai Por is sick. Keep this in perspective.
Yours truly disgusted,
Sam
Saturday, December 30, 2006
A Better 2007...Hopefully
Told da that I would like to write in his blog today and he wanted me to do that after he is done with his blogging...and god knows, his access was denied (must be due to the earthquake in Taiwan)....and he was not successful in pasting over what he had been writing for the past 15 or 20 minutes. Well, told him that this is just a sign that his blog is not meant to be published then.
Anyway, this is the 2nd time that I am writing and the reason why I am writing, cos it is towards the end of 2006 and I am sincerely hoping for a better 2007. Have been going through a lot mentally lately...starting from the time when Yang appears to have learning disability to grandma not being well physically and then to office work becoming heavier and of cos, with my upcoming Paris trip and Krabi trip where both trips requires me to be very focused and will suck all my available timing...
January is gloomy, I feel...the stress from work and family....
Work - lotsa things uncompleted...and having different bosses with different expectations and half the time caught in between them...is a real pain. But I have wanted very much to show that I can perform and out-perform and am trying very hard to achieve this. Did not want to leave this place with people feeling that I am going off because I CANNOT do it, which will definitely not be the case. My egos does not allow me to have this happening!
Family - Yang's report from the therapists will be out soon and while I can't wait for the reports to be available, I fear when the reports are available. Am fairly sure that I have to start sending him for therapy sessions....
Then comes Grandma's condition. Everytime I bring her for sessions with the doc, my heart aches...she seems to have aged so much that she cannot move like before, she express fear about things like the day surgery, like having to do the various tests to prepare for the day surgery, etc. And as much as I would like to be of help, there is nothing that I can do except bring her there and ferry her home. For this, I thank Da for all his kind acts of helping me with all this driving around...with no complaints.
Seems to be more emotional lately...talk to anyone for a while and I suddenly feel like crying...just like yesterday, quarreled with Da over some small stuff and cried and the crying help...cos I realised that I have not dared to cry openly lately..and the crying help let loose some emotions...
Spoke with the other cousins today whoever is there and all seems to understand and willing to do a part for the family, which is a consolation....and of cos, the next thing is when mum joins the conversation and went on and on and on....about responsibility, about the friends around us who may not be that good, about things that all should have been doing, etc, etc. And frankly, the way she puts it across is not friendly at all...if I were much younger, i would have taken offence, but I know that she is just as frustrated and there is no point pointing fingers at each other over all these happenings. I let her be and sincerely hope that the cousins would not think too much into it...
Mum told me Grandma cried just now...saying she owed me and Sam a lot...and it hurts even more to hear that...she has been very caring towards me all the years and what I can do for her is just so little...if money can buy anything, I would have bought her HEALTH. I know she fears being a burden and does not want for us all to suffer, but there is just so much that I or we can do.
Wanted to try to bring her around as much as I can, and wonder how much more time we can do all these...she looks so tired...she slept much much more than I ever know and she has not much energy and strength like before, every step that she takes, it seems to be so difficult...walking round from one corner to another is no longer a simple chore for her...she worries for everyone at home...and I believe all we can do to help is to let her have less worries.
For once, besides my own religion, I prayed to all gods that can help her...and if you can hear me...please do all you can to make her better.
Anyway, this is the 2nd time that I am writing and the reason why I am writing, cos it is towards the end of 2006 and I am sincerely hoping for a better 2007. Have been going through a lot mentally lately...starting from the time when Yang appears to have learning disability to grandma not being well physically and then to office work becoming heavier and of cos, with my upcoming Paris trip and Krabi trip where both trips requires me to be very focused and will suck all my available timing...
January is gloomy, I feel...the stress from work and family....
Work - lotsa things uncompleted...and having different bosses with different expectations and half the time caught in between them...is a real pain. But I have wanted very much to show that I can perform and out-perform and am trying very hard to achieve this. Did not want to leave this place with people feeling that I am going off because I CANNOT do it, which will definitely not be the case. My egos does not allow me to have this happening!
Family - Yang's report from the therapists will be out soon and while I can't wait for the reports to be available, I fear when the reports are available. Am fairly sure that I have to start sending him for therapy sessions....
Then comes Grandma's condition. Everytime I bring her for sessions with the doc, my heart aches...she seems to have aged so much that she cannot move like before, she express fear about things like the day surgery, like having to do the various tests to prepare for the day surgery, etc. And as much as I would like to be of help, there is nothing that I can do except bring her there and ferry her home. For this, I thank Da for all his kind acts of helping me with all this driving around...with no complaints.
Seems to be more emotional lately...talk to anyone for a while and I suddenly feel like crying...just like yesterday, quarreled with Da over some small stuff and cried and the crying help...cos I realised that I have not dared to cry openly lately..and the crying help let loose some emotions...
Spoke with the other cousins today whoever is there and all seems to understand and willing to do a part for the family, which is a consolation....and of cos, the next thing is when mum joins the conversation and went on and on and on....about responsibility, about the friends around us who may not be that good, about things that all should have been doing, etc, etc. And frankly, the way she puts it across is not friendly at all...if I were much younger, i would have taken offence, but I know that she is just as frustrated and there is no point pointing fingers at each other over all these happenings. I let her be and sincerely hope that the cousins would not think too much into it...
Mum told me Grandma cried just now...saying she owed me and Sam a lot...and it hurts even more to hear that...she has been very caring towards me all the years and what I can do for her is just so little...if money can buy anything, I would have bought her HEALTH. I know she fears being a burden and does not want for us all to suffer, but there is just so much that I or we can do.
Wanted to try to bring her around as much as I can, and wonder how much more time we can do all these...she looks so tired...she slept much much more than I ever know and she has not much energy and strength like before, every step that she takes, it seems to be so difficult...walking round from one corner to another is no longer a simple chore for her...she worries for everyone at home...and I believe all we can do to help is to let her have less worries.
For once, besides my own religion, I prayed to all gods that can help her...and if you can hear me...please do all you can to make her better.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Beijing 2
So anyway, this will be a regular thing...
Next month..might be a Dallas trip to evaluate a data center...that would be steaks and beer galore :) on vendor account of course:) ....heh heh
So until then, have a merry Christmas amigos:)
From Sam, Wabe and Yangkee :)
check out the latest Yangkee!
Next month..might be a Dallas trip to evaluate a data center...that would be steaks and beer galore :) on vendor account of course:) ....heh heh
So until then, have a merry Christmas amigos:)
From Sam, Wabe and Yangkee :)
check out the latest Yangkee!
Beijing
Back from the trip in Beijing.
It was cold but not as cold as I thought - most days I wore only my business coat..but of course my office is like next building from Zhao Long Hotel.
Infrastructure wise - it is so much better than Bangalore and this is the first place I did not see Indian staff in a IT office! Truly my last assignments in Bangalore are hardship cases:)
I had my assistant from Accenture Beijing, Ruan Hang and he is a humble and capable chap and a bunch of Oracle account managers from Hong Kong who were US citizens. So there you have it - a motley crew of chaps working together in an ancient capital of China where Kangxi and Qianlong once ruled. :)
Ruan Hang is the poor chap - always have to make sure our logistics is ok so we brought him out when we are doing business lunches and dinners. Brought him to HardRock Beijing and introduce him to burgers where he smoked a China cigarette and called it capitalist garbage ..the rest of us ROFL for minutes! Chap is from Qing Hua Uni ok...dont pray pray...and one of the Oracle chaps is a PHD in IEEE - I feel so inadequate sometimes :)
Wrapped up on Thursday evening and so went to Forbidden City (Gu Gong) on Friday morning.
The wonder of it - the vastness...you can only ... experience it when you stand in the open court and gaze at the structure...imagine the old officials of old as they make their way up to the imperial court...these were made to impress and intimidate...
Some pictures I took...
It was cold but not as cold as I thought - most days I wore only my business coat..but of course my office is like next building from Zhao Long Hotel.
Infrastructure wise - it is so much better than Bangalore and this is the first place I did not see Indian staff in a IT office! Truly my last assignments in Bangalore are hardship cases:)
I had my assistant from Accenture Beijing, Ruan Hang and he is a humble and capable chap and a bunch of Oracle account managers from Hong Kong who were US citizens. So there you have it - a motley crew of chaps working together in an ancient capital of China where Kangxi and Qianlong once ruled. :)
Ruan Hang is the poor chap - always have to make sure our logistics is ok so we brought him out when we are doing business lunches and dinners. Brought him to HardRock Beijing and introduce him to burgers where he smoked a China cigarette and called it capitalist garbage ..the rest of us ROFL for minutes! Chap is from Qing Hua Uni ok...dont pray pray...and one of the Oracle chaps is a PHD in IEEE - I feel so inadequate sometimes :)
Wrapped up on Thursday evening and so went to Forbidden City (Gu Gong) on Friday morning.
The wonder of it - the vastness...you can only ... experience it when you stand in the open court and gaze at the structure...imagine the old officials of old as they make their way up to the imperial court...these were made to impress and intimidate...
Some pictures I took...
Friday, December 08, 2006
New Post
It's been a while eh.
Well things have picked up quite a bit at work..
The China team has requested me to their architect - so now I am feeling some load:) heh heh well compared to the old work, this is "manageable activity" - after all, I do not need to have to take of sales related activities anymore...I can concentrate fully on the geek stuff - hehe pure hardcore software engineering..I never felt so ALIVE:)
I am amazed that a company like this, being more communciations focussed are ... so imbuded with IT principles..the way of architecture...etc...it is like being in NUS again..
For one, my cuff link shirts is gonna look out of place ..i am going to start look for short sleeved shirts with pockets in front so I can stuff many pens and notes etc hehehe..I need to look the part of the geeky architect and not a business consultant:P
Sam
Well things have picked up quite a bit at work..
The China team has requested me to their architect - so now I am feeling some load:) heh heh well compared to the old work, this is "manageable activity" - after all, I do not need to have to take of sales related activities anymore...I can concentrate fully on the geek stuff - hehe pure hardcore software engineering..I never felt so ALIVE:)
I am amazed that a company like this, being more communciations focussed are ... so imbuded with IT principles..the way of architecture...etc...it is like being in NUS again..
For one, my cuff link shirts is gonna look out of place ..i am going to start look for short sleeved shirts with pockets in front so I can stuff many pens and notes etc hehehe..I need to look the part of the geeky architect and not a business consultant:P
Sam
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