A Better 2007...Hopefully

Told da that I would like to write in his blog today and he wanted me to do that after he is done with his blogging...and god knows, his access was denied (must be due to the earthquake in Taiwan)....and he was not successful in pasting over what he had been writing for the past 15 or 20 minutes. Well, told him that this is just a sign that his blog is not meant to be published then.

Anyway, this is the 2nd time that I am writing and the reason why I am writing, cos it is towards the end of 2006 and I am sincerely hoping for a better 2007. Have been going through a lot mentally lately...starting from the time when Yang appears to have learning disability to grandma not being well physically and then to office work becoming heavier and of cos, with my upcoming Paris trip and Krabi trip where both trips requires me to be very focused and will suck all my available timing...

January is gloomy, I feel...the stress from work and family....
Work - lotsa things uncompleted...and having different bosses with different expectations and half the time caught in between them...is a real pain. But I have wanted very much to show that I can perform and out-perform and am trying very hard to achieve this. Did not want to leave this place with people feeling that I am going off because I CANNOT do it, which will definitely not be the case. My egos does not allow me to have this happening!
Family - Yang's report from the therapists will be out soon and while I can't wait for the reports to be available, I fear when the reports are available. Am fairly sure that I have to start sending him for therapy sessions....
Then comes Grandma's condition. Everytime I bring her for sessions with the doc, my heart aches...she seems to have aged so much that she cannot move like before, she express fear about things like the day surgery, like having to do the various tests to prepare for the day surgery, etc. And as much as I would like to be of help, there is nothing that I can do except bring her there and ferry her home. For this, I thank Da for all his kind acts of helping me with all this driving around...with no complaints.

Seems to be more emotional lately...talk to anyone for a while and I suddenly feel like crying...just like yesterday, quarreled with Da over some small stuff and cried and the crying help...cos I realised that I have not dared to cry openly lately..and the crying help let loose some emotions...

Spoke with the other cousins today whoever is there and all seems to understand and willing to do a part for the family, which is a consolation....and of cos, the next thing is when mum joins the conversation and went on and on and on....about responsibility, about the friends around us who may not be that good, about things that all should have been doing, etc, etc. And frankly, the way she puts it across is not friendly at all...if I were much younger, i would have taken offence, but I know that she is just as frustrated and there is no point pointing fingers at each other over all these happenings. I let her be and sincerely hope that the cousins would not think too much into it...

Mum told me Grandma cried just now...saying she owed me and Sam a lot...and it hurts even more to hear that...she has been very caring towards me all the years and what I can do for her is just so little...if money can buy anything, I would have bought her HEALTH. I know she fears being a burden and does not want for us all to suffer, but there is just so much that I or we can do.

Wanted to try to bring her around as much as I can, and wonder how much more time we can do all these...she looks so tired...she slept much much more than I ever know and she has not much energy and strength like before, every step that she takes, it seems to be so difficult...walking round from one corner to another is no longer a simple chore for her...she worries for everyone at home...and I believe all we can do to help is to let her have less worries.

For once, besides my own religion, I prayed to all gods that can help her...and if you can hear me...please do all you can to make her better.