Feeling Terrible
Today I felt like a jarboney piece of monkey crap.
Sighh...
This morning, I accidentally closed the car door while Yang's hand was still along the groove.
He cried in pain so pitifully. My mind went blank....jesus christ...I felt like killing myself for such an idiotic act then.
I cancelled my EDB appointment - this is a crucial quarter where we are trying to make the numbers...but heck..my son is more important...I brought him to First Care..was scolded by the nurse..sigh..
Fortunately, Doc Low said he is fine...but I was given painkiller for Yang...?? So he thinks it might be too painful?...jesus christ..I started my self blame again then.. felt so bad...I brought him to MacDonalds...cheap conscience soothing...Wabe was worried..I called her...she tried not to sound too "blamey"...thank you Wabe:)
Jus came back from Grandmother in law place....given aloe vera by 3rd uncle....my god...i was chastised by many of them...guessed I deserved it for being such an idiot.
Hope Yang will be fine..
Sam
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
JB Trip
Sale
Jolly good trip to JB with Wabe and Yang.
Fantastic sales in Jusco - bought loads....contributing to the Malaysia economy - Yang contributing to Japan as well since he bought so many Ultraman stuffs!
Bought some VCD on Buddhism - I guess Yang is tuning in to this - I will let him learn and choose - if he is like me, he will probaby explore a dozen paths and yet remain doubtful..heh heh
Watch the first VCD..it wasn't focussing on Buddha attaining Nirvana...none of the giant cobra shielding him from rain etc - it did not emphasized on his fruitless search amongst the asetics and his realization of the Middle Path. I would thought that would be an important point.
But the gory details were there...very surreal ... like watching Haw Par in movie.
The similarities were uncanny.
Buddha's temptation under the bodhi tree vs Christ's temptation in the desert.
The old woman's single lamp vs the beggar woman in the bible who gave 2 copper coins.
One more thing I thought why Buddhism did not take off in India was probably Buddha rejected the caste systems.
I guess the passing of Buddha in the last scene left me thinking of the great difference in both religion.
It is written that Christ has risen from the dead. Buddha was cremated and his ashes divided among the disciples.
Do you ever wonder how ants think? Would they comprehend 1+1?
Or let's say a monkey...
If you see one insisting that 1+1 = 2 and another saying no...you are wrong ..it is 3-1=2...would you laugh ?
Sam
Jolly good trip to JB with Wabe and Yang.
Fantastic sales in Jusco - bought loads....contributing to the Malaysia economy - Yang contributing to Japan as well since he bought so many Ultraman stuffs!
Bought some VCD on Buddhism - I guess Yang is tuning in to this - I will let him learn and choose - if he is like me, he will probaby explore a dozen paths and yet remain doubtful..heh heh
Watch the first VCD..it wasn't focussing on Buddha attaining Nirvana...none of the giant cobra shielding him from rain etc - it did not emphasized on his fruitless search amongst the asetics and his realization of the Middle Path. I would thought that would be an important point.
But the gory details were there...very surreal ... like watching Haw Par in movie.
The similarities were uncanny.
Buddha's temptation under the bodhi tree vs Christ's temptation in the desert.
The old woman's single lamp vs the beggar woman in the bible who gave 2 copper coins.
One more thing I thought why Buddhism did not take off in India was probably Buddha rejected the caste systems.
I guess the passing of Buddha in the last scene left me thinking of the great difference in both religion.
It is written that Christ has risen from the dead. Buddha was cremated and his ashes divided among the disciples.
Do you ever wonder how ants think? Would they comprehend 1+1?
Or let's say a monkey...
If you see one insisting that 1+1 = 2 and another saying no...you are wrong ..it is 3-1=2...would you laugh ?
Sam
Thursday, April 13, 2006
New Parable
Jar of Water
Today I will tell the story of the jar of water.
Once a man decides to make a journey to another village across the desert.
He decided to buy a jar and filled it with clear water to keep him refreshed on the journey.
On the first stop, the man drank from the jar and was refreshed. The man is pleased.
One day, he noticed a crack on the jar and water kept spilling on his clothes. He is struggling with trying to balance the jar of water and walking and getting his clothes wet from the constant dripping of the leak.
During the day, he is refreshed by the cool water but in the night, he is troubled by the aches and damp clothes and pondered.
He remembered in the early stage of his journey, the jar kept him refreshed and he is touched.
He did not sleep that night but went in search of clay and using it to patch the small crack.
He kept watch all night to ensure the crack is perfectly filled and fixed.
By dawn, when he starts his journey, the jar is as good as new and the man is pleased.
The moral of the story is never think a tiny crack would not cause problems but one should also know that cracks are only opportunities for us to reflect on the imperfections in the imperfect world and constant nourishment and love is needed. :)
Sam
Today I will tell the story of the jar of water.
Once a man decides to make a journey to another village across the desert.
He decided to buy a jar and filled it with clear water to keep him refreshed on the journey.
On the first stop, the man drank from the jar and was refreshed. The man is pleased.
One day, he noticed a crack on the jar and water kept spilling on his clothes. He is struggling with trying to balance the jar of water and walking and getting his clothes wet from the constant dripping of the leak.
During the day, he is refreshed by the cool water but in the night, he is troubled by the aches and damp clothes and pondered.
He remembered in the early stage of his journey, the jar kept him refreshed and he is touched.
He did not sleep that night but went in search of clay and using it to patch the small crack.
He kept watch all night to ensure the crack is perfectly filled and fixed.
By dawn, when he starts his journey, the jar is as good as new and the man is pleased.
The moral of the story is never think a tiny crack would not cause problems but one should also know that cracks are only opportunities for us to reflect on the imperfections in the imperfect world and constant nourishment and love is needed. :)
Sam
Monday, April 10, 2006
Emotional Baggage
Bought a trolley.
Yes, after walking from City Hall MRT to Tower 4 in Suntec, I felt like dying. It's a cool 30 mins walk with a heavy laptop bag...man I could SERIOUSLY have Monday blues everyday when I think of walking to and BACK...omigod.
Thank goodness I have customers to visit.
But I bought a trolley ...to put my haversack..so I can pull it along like a wussy.
I used to laugh at the sales people...calling them gu-niangs dragging the laptop bag like air stewardesses..it has all come back to haunt me...haha..
Henceforth, I will be pulling a trolley with my haversack from CH MRT to Suntec and back. Heck, call me a wussy but at least I wouldn't get a strained back.
And God rewarded me for my fortitude :) When 3rd uncle came to help us move the cabinet from mum-in-law house, it was put to good use.
So there you go :)
Talking about baggages, I was thinking of also the emotional ones.
After reading the past posting where I got a little too carried away - I got to thinking....after 7 years...I still felt so bitter and angry.
Why? This is the emotional baggage I carry .... nobody asked me to..I just did.
And what do we have to do to remove these baggages? In my case, I must learn to forgive.
Unconditionally.
Can I forgive them just as I forgive Yang when he apologises for his mistakes? So that there is no traces of anger left?
That is unconditional forgiveness which springs from unconditional love.
Like my lesson learnt in India, when you spent less time finding fault with a person, you have more time finding the goodness in him/her.
No one is born evil. (Let's not delve into the DNA semantics...perhaps in time, we can prove this hypothesis)
I suddenly remembered the Lord's teaching again.
"Judge not and ye would not be judged"
I guessed I do not have the rights to so .. righteously put people down. The Lord did said "Let the first man who have not sinned throw the first stone.."
I think I just walked a step towards putting down my emotional baggage.
Sam
Yes, after walking from City Hall MRT to Tower 4 in Suntec, I felt like dying. It's a cool 30 mins walk with a heavy laptop bag...man I could SERIOUSLY have Monday blues everyday when I think of walking to and BACK...omigod.
Thank goodness I have customers to visit.
But I bought a trolley ...to put my haversack..so I can pull it along like a wussy.
I used to laugh at the sales people...calling them gu-niangs dragging the laptop bag like air stewardesses..it has all come back to haunt me...haha..
Henceforth, I will be pulling a trolley with my haversack from CH MRT to Suntec and back. Heck, call me a wussy but at least I wouldn't get a strained back.
And God rewarded me for my fortitude :) When 3rd uncle came to help us move the cabinet from mum-in-law house, it was put to good use.
So there you go :)
Talking about baggages, I was thinking of also the emotional ones.
After reading the past posting where I got a little too carried away - I got to thinking....after 7 years...I still felt so bitter and angry.
Why? This is the emotional baggage I carry .... nobody asked me to..I just did.
And what do we have to do to remove these baggages? In my case, I must learn to forgive.
Unconditionally.
Can I forgive them just as I forgive Yang when he apologises for his mistakes? So that there is no traces of anger left?
That is unconditional forgiveness which springs from unconditional love.
Like my lesson learnt in India, when you spent less time finding fault with a person, you have more time finding the goodness in him/her.
No one is born evil. (Let's not delve into the DNA semantics...perhaps in time, we can prove this hypothesis)
I suddenly remembered the Lord's teaching again.
"Judge not and ye would not be judged"
I guessed I do not have the rights to so .. righteously put people down. The Lord did said "Let the first man who have not sinned throw the first stone.."
I think I just walked a step towards putting down my emotional baggage.
Sam
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Khng Houses
Renovations!
Next next week, my parents-in-law, Jun Chee and Valerie will be busy with their khng of the house.
Boy, this year seems to be the year of Khng.
May the renovations we all did bring fruits of happiness and prosperity to our life :) .... from harnessing the essence of feng shui of course:D
This seems to be a year of change...Wabe change line of business..I change to Oracle..Pee Luh changed job...Jin Hen change school ... JC/Val get married...parents-in-law khng house..we also khng house...
So what's there to look forward to? Do we see a land of opportunity beyond? or do we see a straight road in predictability?
Just spoke to Wabe...what if Yang decides to do a non conformist path in life? Like be a chef?...a arts designer or some of these less conventional sort which are deemed to have less of a market value?
I remembered I wrote ...sorry started a novel about a Conan like character in Sec 2..I was told off by my father that it was useless - Arts have no future...
Well I don't deny the opportunities were higher in my case...so we got to thinking would we impose (YES IMPOSE BECAUSE EVEN AS PARENTS, WE HAVE NO BLOODY RIGHT TO RUN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE) our views on Yang?
Well unless he tells me he has a burning ambition to rob a bank etc, we would encourage him on his path - we just have to make sure we have some backup savings to ensure he will be comfy :D
The most important thing is a man must uphold a moral standard - a kind heart - a filial soul. The rest are bonuses.
So here's to our wish - that Yang would grow to be a upright, honest, kind and filial man. Wabe added he must be confident ..but not arrogant.
Wishes from PaPa and Mummy...
Next next week, my parents-in-law, Jun Chee and Valerie will be busy with their khng of the house.
Boy, this year seems to be the year of Khng.
May the renovations we all did bring fruits of happiness and prosperity to our life :) .... from harnessing the essence of feng shui of course:D
This seems to be a year of change...Wabe change line of business..I change to Oracle..Pee Luh changed job...Jin Hen change school ... JC/Val get married...parents-in-law khng house..we also khng house...
So what's there to look forward to? Do we see a land of opportunity beyond? or do we see a straight road in predictability?
Just spoke to Wabe...what if Yang decides to do a non conformist path in life? Like be a chef?...a arts designer or some of these less conventional sort which are deemed to have less of a market value?
I remembered I wrote ...sorry started a novel about a Conan like character in Sec 2..I was told off by my father that it was useless - Arts have no future...
Well I don't deny the opportunities were higher in my case...so we got to thinking would we impose (YES IMPOSE BECAUSE EVEN AS PARENTS, WE HAVE NO BLOODY RIGHT TO RUN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE) our views on Yang?
Well unless he tells me he has a burning ambition to rob a bank etc, we would encourage him on his path - we just have to make sure we have some backup savings to ensure he will be comfy :D
The most important thing is a man must uphold a moral standard - a kind heart - a filial soul. The rest are bonuses.
So here's to our wish - that Yang would grow to be a upright, honest, kind and filial man. Wabe added he must be confident ..but not arrogant.
Wishes from PaPa and Mummy...
Still the 2nd Biggest
Outta our way, Google!
Sorry but I just had to do this...I just read .. Oracle is still 2nd biggest software firm in world :D
Nah Nah Nah....heh heh
Have You Oracle Yet?
Sam
Sorry but I just had to do this...I just read .. Oracle is still 2nd biggest software firm in world :D
Nah Nah Nah....heh heh
Have You Oracle Yet?
Sam
Friday, April 07, 2006
Project XXX
Energy Renewed!
I am back. :)
No more complaints. Airline this time was on time..clean.
Chose a nearer hotel - no more traffic horrors :)
I went to Leela Hotel - this is a damn majestic structure...lush palm trees...streams and ..... LOADS of high end shops..Hugo etc..
Damn...because I look foreign and wore a suit... the salesmen all thought I was the Gucci loafer sort:) If only they see me in Singapore with market shorts and Ts...heh heh
I managed to look arrogantly bored as I waved them off...I was actually trying hard not to laugh. heh heh
I found a life lesson in this small little trip - when you spent less time complaining about how bad the situation is - you actually have more time to think about how good it can be.
And that I did.
Going through the meetings, the entire business of setting a digital TV - satellite business in the country is simply ... damn exciting. You get caught up with the excitement of it. The people are of extreme intellect - these are industry experts brought in from a media business in Europe - the technology consultants are visionaries - their ability to see end to end solutions is phenomenal - you can almost hear the brain waves crackling in the air.
This is what consulting is about. Value Add. Not like in some projects where consultants are mere glorified programmers.
And again, I worry for Singapore....Singaporeans in general. The generation needs to be afraid - dont not take chilling out in pubs etc as a foregone - we need to know ...relearn our ancestors' gungho spirit and hardworking attitude.
Work HARD ALL!!!
Sam
I am back. :)
No more complaints. Airline this time was on time..clean.
Chose a nearer hotel - no more traffic horrors :)
I went to Leela Hotel - this is a damn majestic structure...lush palm trees...streams and ..... LOADS of high end shops..Hugo etc..
Damn...because I look foreign and wore a suit... the salesmen all thought I was the Gucci loafer sort:) If only they see me in Singapore with market shorts and Ts...heh heh
I managed to look arrogantly bored as I waved them off...I was actually trying hard not to laugh. heh heh
I found a life lesson in this small little trip - when you spent less time complaining about how bad the situation is - you actually have more time to think about how good it can be.
And that I did.
Going through the meetings, the entire business of setting a digital TV - satellite business in the country is simply ... damn exciting. You get caught up with the excitement of it. The people are of extreme intellect - these are industry experts brought in from a media business in Europe - the technology consultants are visionaries - their ability to see end to end solutions is phenomenal - you can almost hear the brain waves crackling in the air.
This is what consulting is about. Value Add. Not like in some projects where consultants are mere glorified programmers.
And again, I worry for Singapore....Singaporeans in general. The generation needs to be afraid - dont not take chilling out in pubs etc as a foregone - we need to know ...relearn our ancestors' gungho spirit and hardworking attitude.
Work HARD ALL!!!
Sam
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Life again
Experience
Today, I went to the Qing Ming with Wabe and all...even helped painted some of the oraments on the tomb..
I had the chance to visit my own grandmother tomb in the church in the afternoon. Thinking of the pain she went through before her passing filled me with deep grief and I barely could control myself. She who went through so much hardships..she who braved so many untold humiliation in front of relatives to save the skin of her sons who only knows how to gamble - for what!? To suffer in a stuffy 6 person ward as the sores on her back itches and she cannot bear it ? For the noble sons and daughter who can whine if they themselves are not in a private 1st class ward for their own ailments - them - these brood of vipers - they are concerned about the cost. "Oh you don't understand...this is to keep the cost down..you dont know how long she will last...money will be gone very quickly"
Hello?
Just what the fuck are you talking about? This is your mother - my beloved grandmother.
My grandmother used to tell me when she was living with me and my parents - she will stay till quite late in the void deck so she would not need to see my mother's face and endure her acid tongue and thus she will sit in the cold downstairs before coming back.
What is this?! From a long time ago, I lost my respect for these vipers. Truly, it is more difficult to forgive such ... animals than it is for a leper not to scratch his sores.
How I wish I had the chance to be filial to ah ma now. I no longer need to bow before our relatives, Ah Ma...we have broken through the hard times....if only you are still alive, I will provide you rich food, comfy bed and attention - not give you 2nd rated cheap goods like some.
You would love the 15 bucks/kg durians...the last time we bought ? I only can afford the 3 for 10...but you are so happy also.
*Pause*
What to do...this is all I can wish but the time is gone - I only wished I spent more time with you then.
I hope you like the Chrysanthemum flower - Wabe bought it- the An Kuay bride you said :)
Signing off,
Sammy
Today, I went to the Qing Ming with Wabe and all...even helped painted some of the oraments on the tomb..
I had the chance to visit my own grandmother tomb in the church in the afternoon. Thinking of the pain she went through before her passing filled me with deep grief and I barely could control myself. She who went through so much hardships..she who braved so many untold humiliation in front of relatives to save the skin of her sons who only knows how to gamble - for what!? To suffer in a stuffy 6 person ward as the sores on her back itches and she cannot bear it ? For the noble sons and daughter who can whine if they themselves are not in a private 1st class ward for their own ailments - them - these brood of vipers - they are concerned about the cost. "Oh you don't understand...this is to keep the cost down..you dont know how long she will last...money will be gone very quickly"
Hello?
Just what the fuck are you talking about? This is your mother - my beloved grandmother.
My grandmother used to tell me when she was living with me and my parents - she will stay till quite late in the void deck so she would not need to see my mother's face and endure her acid tongue and thus she will sit in the cold downstairs before coming back.
What is this?! From a long time ago, I lost my respect for these vipers. Truly, it is more difficult to forgive such ... animals than it is for a leper not to scratch his sores.
How I wish I had the chance to be filial to ah ma now. I no longer need to bow before our relatives, Ah Ma...we have broken through the hard times....if only you are still alive, I will provide you rich food, comfy bed and attention - not give you 2nd rated cheap goods like some.
You would love the 15 bucks/kg durians...the last time we bought ? I only can afford the 3 for 10...but you are so happy also.
*Pause*
What to do...this is all I can wish but the time is gone - I only wished I spent more time with you then.
I hope you like the Chrysanthemum flower - Wabe bought it- the An Kuay bride you said :)
Signing off,
Sammy
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